you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
