I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Found the puke drawer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
