Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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