Soap is not a condiment
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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