Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
