do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
