he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
