i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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