i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
