It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
