dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
