so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
