Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
