Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
