So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
