Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
