i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
