toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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