things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
