Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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