your parents love me but you hate me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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