I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
