hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
