Plan B is the new Plan A
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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