onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
