pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
