On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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