3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
