Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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