i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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