Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
