i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
operation have a gay friend backfired
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
