im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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