His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is the high leading the old right now
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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