If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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