we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
