dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
