I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
