just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
