my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
