I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's rum buckets o'clock
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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