I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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