So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
