Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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