1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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