The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
