Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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