I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
