She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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