He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
