I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
