if only i could text you this smell
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
