im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
