He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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