ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
