Kiss
Puke
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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