good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
